Shit Show

Twenty years of memories all relived last night. God I love my friends and everything that we have done. I have absolutely no regrets and I only want more. You realize when you leave for awhile and then come back, how much these people mean to you and how much you never want to leave them again.

I knew that I was going to have the time of my life but I never imagined all the events that would transpire. Every once in awhile things repeat themselves in life and you go back to what was once the best part of your life. Cease that moment and don't let it go.

Remember, you are the only one that can decide your happiness, so make sure you do it right!

Outside Influences

It is a shame that most people let others influence their decisions. Understandably your parents know best, but not when we don't tell them the entire story. In my case, please don't tell them as much. It turns out that moms don't want to hear too many positive things about the girls their sons date.

The more wonderful things that are said about you, the farther you take their sons from them. They start spending more time with you then with them. Then holidays become obsolete, and it is a hassle to even schedule dinner. These relationships never work because it's obvious that the love between the two is stronger than the love of family.

Will love ever prevail? Will blood always be thicker than water? What happen to happiness or being happy for others? It just seems as though it should be more simple.

Questionable Decisions

I think that people usually only believe that you make a right or a wrong decision but actually I love making questionable ones. Those are ones where you take a chance because no one knows the outcome. If you never step outside your comfort zone you may never know what's out there waiting for you.

On the other hand you also may get hurt or lose....but to hurt and lose is to grow. I live on taking chances, on believing that you won't get hurt but that you will become or learn something more. If we don't let change into our lives then we live a sober, simple one and that is just not me.

I don't want to get stuck into patterns of the everyday way of life. I want to be spontaneous and not know where tomorrow may lead.  I am in such a great; positive place in my life right now and I can't let anything negative bring me down. I am ready for my next journey and will embrace it with as much enthusiasm as I did when I was in my early 20's.

Bring on my next phase life....I am ready!!!

Long Time No Talk

Technology isn't fair....It gives you the ability to save, erase, share, or move everything that is written. I wish sometimes I wasn't able to save everything. Then I would be able to move on.

Why is it so hard to let go of the past when I only care about the future?

The past.....my past.....is better.....He told me that I made it that way!

Why can't I stop reading what he wrote about how much better of a man I made him as a whole?

Is this a fault or a gift?

I know that I have complications when it comes to relationships; simply because I am not looking for a husband or someone to father my children. I just want to hang out with someone that wants to have as much fun as me all the time.

I really don't think it is too much to ask :-)

Summer is Almost Here

I have had a few people ask me about why I haven't blogged in a few days and I am super sorry. It is crazy how busy I am right now with some projects I have going on. I will tell you all about them as soon as one is completed. It's easier for me not to discuss them until I have an outcome.

I have been having a really hard time sleeping these days because I can't seem to shut off my brain. Sometimes I wish my mind didn't run in circles of creativeness. It would make my life much less complex. On the same note, I don't like sitting idly by waiting for shit to happen for me, so I would rather not get rest. I hope my beauty doesn't suffer from it :-)

So that being said. I will try and post as frequently as possible and keep everyone updated. You will want to know what I did today but I want to wait for the results before I mention this drama :-)

Keep in touch friends!!!

Our Troops

Memorial Day is a very sad day....I know most of us are traveling back from somewhere after having an awesome three day weekend. Government has turned turned this day into a holiday instead of a day of remembrance. The Original Memorial Day was May 30th and only recognized by the Northern states until after WWI. The VFW has formally let our Senate know that changing the original date to make this a 3 day weekend simply undermines what the day is all about.

We are all asked if we cannot take the entire day for remembrance that we do, voluntarily and informally observe in our own way a moment of remembrance and respect, pausing from whatever we are doing for a moment of silence or listening to Taps. This happens at 3pm local time and if you would like to know more about it below is Bill Clinton's memorandum:

http://www.usmemorialday.org/Speeches/President/may0200.txt

I am very glad to see that our troops are so encouraged and respected by everyone these days because when my grandfather served for over 23 years in our US Navy, military was not greeted with enthusiasm and praise for protecting our country. He remembers several times being spit on and rejected simply for wearing his uniform. I couldn't imagine people treating other humans that way.

Thank you for continuing to fight for our freedom even through this despicable treatment. I love you Grampa Joe, you are my hero!

Memorial Weekend

So I am leaving right now for a fantastic road trip to the wonderful wine country of Walla Walla, WA. I will be back to write on Monday when I return.

Have a safe and wonderful Holiday weekend :-)

Talk to you Monday!

And the Oscar Goes To:

Oh the theater....talk about defining moments. This is where I found myself, or rather I found where to express myself!

At the age of 10 my parents introduced me to live theater. Only because I think my mother wanted me to have a girly outside interest and up until this point I had hated and quit everything else that she had made me try. She put in baton lessons...the teacher one time told me, " If you don't want to do it then just quit"....and I threw down my baton and said, "fine, I quit." Now realize this is also what my older sister did after we all stopped racing BMX bikes and she was once again wonderful at it. Then mom put me into dance lessons, ballet, tap, jazz, clogging, and square dancing...well as you can see I am not on dancing with the stars or so you think you can dance. I also had spent quite a lot of time in the pageant circuit.  

But theater, theater was right up my ally. I got to run around and play parts of characters other than myself and also be the center of attention for a huge audience. This was a pivotal time in my life. I spent the next 8 years doing it and became a natural to the spot light. It also gave me more confidence than my parents had probably hoped for. I had become so comfortable with acting that it became a part of my real life and I thought that I could act my way out of anything.

This is how I lived my life. As if I was unstoppable and I could rule and run all the lives around me as if I was living in a fantasy land where everything has a happy ending and everything is a fairy tail.

I have way too many pictures to post on this blog :-0

You Never Forget Your First Best Friends

So it is crazy to think that your parents actually can choose your friends and that they remain you friends through your adult life....You are there with them when they get married, when they have children, when they move across the country. Wow, I love you girls and all our memories.

So I always remember our camping and race days. The Cearley's and the Elske's were always busy headed somewhere to do something awesome. I loved when we would go in the camper because then it meant I didn't have to pee outside :-) There wasn't a weekend that went by that we weren't all together, not to mention we went to the same grade school and we were in the same grade. I loved my best friend, and I loved the picture of her sister when she had a perm that my dad framed with the purple matte, and white frame.

It was always so much fun sitting in the announcers booth during the quarter midget races and watching "Haulin' Holli" kick some ass. Tracy and I pretty much just would run a muck and I have no idea what anyone else was doing....didn't really care. I remember specifically several times going over the bridge from WA to OR where is says something like "Now entering OR". We would hold up a sign in the back of the van so everyone behind us could see it that said, "Good Bye, Washington".

Interesting.....that must have been when I still loved this state :-)

Defining Moments

Crazy it took my 36 years here to realize that every moment defines our life. It defines who we are, how we treat others, how we grow with one another, how we grow as individuals. We are only as great as the people that help mold us and give us the strength to become what we believe.

I have had the opportunity to have many people come and go from my life and then come back into my life. But it is those who never really leave that make you who you are. Even if you haven't spoken to someone in some time I bet they still think of you and wonder what you are doing and hope that you are doing great. I think that we all struggle with questionable decisions that we have or will make but its how we turn those situations into something positive that make us who we are. I have said it before that if I could just touch one life then I have done my life's work, and tonight I realized that I have succeeded. I have made a difference in my own life and that is the most important.

I couldn't have done it however, without everyone that has given me what I needed in order to make that happen.

Thank you again for all your encouragement through the years!!!

Eight is Great

Back to Nationals in Texas....


So there I was a tiny fish in a big sea of roller speed skaters....what a rush! So I race my heats for all my races and place to qualify for the finals. It couldn't have turned out better. I skated like there was no tomorrow. I ended up placing in my power race. My power race was always the longer distances. In the sprints I was never quite the front runner. Anyhow I went home a champion not only on paper but to my dad as well.

Then we were headed back home. The flight home was great. Salisbury steak, with potatoes and a glass of milk. The only problem was that my milk was warm and it was disgusting. I was almost in tears (isn't that silly, crying over milk, ha) and then my dad had the flight attendant throw some ice in there. I thought that was really weird, but the reason I tell you is because it's those little things that change your life forever. Yeah, I can't drink my milk without ice now. You also have to understand that we were spoiled rotten by my dad and his cooking. He made everyone what they requested for dinner every night. I usually requested steak and lobster.

So for the next several years I continue to race but I also took up acting around the age of ten. I am leaving out some other memories that I will have to back track on tomorrow before I get into my theater days. These are the days we spent with the Cearley's at the quarter midget races and all our camping days.

I will make sure I talk to the girls and get their insight....glad we are all still friends :-)

You Won't Grow if You Can't Change!

OFF THE SUBJECT A BIT

Life is funny and unpredictable. I wanted to write today for two reasons....for happiness and disappointment.

Have you ever loved something so much it hurts? Have you ever let it go to see if it comes back to you? Have you ever tried to stop loving it? I am so thankful for everyone in my life and the reasons that they come into it. I have grown so much from opening my heart and letting people in. It's the letting people go that is tearing me up!!! But letting go opens so many new doors.

Only once you let something go you will realize if its worth fighting for and if it is strong enough it will never not be a part of your life. I have amazing friends and sometimes I am selfish and don't always let them know. I'm sorry for my lack of communication that sometimes forces me to let people slip away.

I promise that I will be the best friend, sister, daughter, and lover that I am capable of. Please let me know if I do or say something that hurts you, it is not my intention to ever disappoint anyone.

I love you Jo :-)

Typical Father Reaction

Well my dad said he was disappointed a little but he just wanted me to do something that I loved and would never pressure me to do something when my heart wasn't in it. It seems like this started a chain reaction of disappointments. Not too long after hearing that I didn't really want to race my dad had a serious injury on the track blowing out his knee leaving him unable to continue racing.

But that didn't slow him down from trying to help figure out what I wanted to do. One thing that everyone could see is how much I lit up when I was roller skating. So my parents decided to look into roller speed skating as a pass time for me. I wish I could post pictures on here so that you could see me as a scrawny little speed skater with granny panties hanging out of my shorts. I was quite a sight on the floor. This is when my family started calling me Skrondi. I was all bones and skin but not much skin because I was always falling and leaving what little skin I did have on the floor. I didn't care though, I was never down too long and right back in the race.

My parents could see the passion that I had for skating. I wanted to do it everyday and be there even when there was no practice. I was so strategic on the floor and confident in my skills. There was nothing that could hold me back from being my very best when I was skating. My parents were so proud, they even had team racing shirts silk screened on the back that read, " Aundi's Dad and Aundi's Mom". I was on fire, unstoppable and even sometimes a poor sport which was not accepted by my coach but I remember my dad always backed me up. I was moving to the top quickly. Within a year I already qualified for Nationals at the age of nine.

What a wonderful time of my life. I was written up in the Pierce County Herald and the Tacoma News Tribune along with a picture of me and my team. My dad and I flew to Ft. Worth Texas for Nationals and it was so hot. We couldn't even leave our hotel room until after 9pm because that was the only time that you wouldn't actually melt outside.

I will tell you all about the outcome of my race tomorrow.

From My Point of View

It was me, my older sister and even my dad's youngest brother was living with us. I believe he came to live with us when he was 11. So we thought of him as our older brother, not our uncle. I remember that he used to tickle me and think it was so funny...He and my sister would just be laughing hysterically and I would be in tears. To this day I hate being tickled. It really wounded me, apparently if it is something that is still affecting me in my adult life.

Anyhow, we were an extremely active family. We all raced BMX bikes. My dad and brother raced cruisers, my sister had a Amy Stormer and I started out on my hotwheel. Every weekend we were traveling to different races and competitions. We were all extremely competitive. But my sister was the best, number 3 in nation to be exact. I remember that I thought she was so awesome and I would never do as well as her so it made difficult for me to transition from my hotwheel to my bike. My dad went out and bought me the best bike out there, an LRV. There were only 8 of these ever made, and he got me one of them.

Hell, I didn't know until years later that he had gotten me the best bike out there but I guess nothing was ever too good for his baby. The shitty thing was that I was nowhere close to the competitor that my sister was even though I had received all the equipment to make me the best. I tried, oh did I try, but it was hard to get into for me. I was always in the shadows of my older sister and always in second place behind the winner. Oh yeah, talk about people you remember.....really??? I remember the names of girls I raced against when I was 6 and 7 years old but don't ask me the name of a person I met today. YIKES!!!

So, I don't know how it affected my father when I wanted to quit racing at 8 but..........OOH, wait. I am going to ask him how he felt about that. It will be nice to hear what he thinks about investing in me and then I quit! I hope he doesn't give me some lame ass father response like, "I just wanted you to do what you wanted and not force you to do anything"....I think now that I am older he will be honest with me so I am glad that I waited to ask these important questions :-)

I will let you know tomorrow and then get on with the story.....Have a great night!

Tacoma News Tribune

I heard back from my friend at the TNT about running a human interest piece. His response was interesting:

Hi Aundi;

Ironically, my family went through a similar situation years ago.  I grew up in a conservative, extended Irish-Catholic family; our oldest sister ended up pregnant at the age of 17.  The adults and the Church decided to send her to a convent in Spokane to have the baby and offer it up for adoption…none of the kids had any idea what was going on with her.  We learned we had a niece much later, but couldn’t locate her until my younger sister found her by a miraculous fluke.  The minute I saw her I could tell she was one of us…a genetic clone!  She had been adopted by a wealthy family, had a great life and fit in with us like she was never away.

I can tell you as noble, admirable, and passionate as you are to this beautiful cause, it will be very difficult to find benefactors when there is so much strife around us right now.  The Japan earthquakes, tornadoes in the South and Midwest, the flooding; not to mention the stinking economy in general.  Maybe if you check on line for a “displaced persons” website you could find an organization sympathetic to your situation that could help/direct you.  How about putting your Dad on a plane and sending him back to visit? I realize it will wreck the surprise but I can’t think of a better option.

Let me know what you think and I’ll keep it in mind, maybe come up with a few ideas.

Take care,

XXXX

WOW

Sorry, I didn't anticipate the sun actually shining so I had to get out this weekend! Oh and it was a great weekend also....

But back to making this all make sense.

My earliest memories start when I was five. That's when my parents married, Penny and Steve Elske. They are spotty memories at best but the more I talk to everyone about what they remember the more that comes back to me. I am starting to think that it is possible to block out memories. I am also starting to wonder who I can actually believe in the cesspool of untruths. And all of these cover-ups and web of lies started well before I even came into this world. I was born into a family of "on a need to know basis" and apparently, we didn't need to know much until we were old to enough to start asking questions because the stories just didn't add up.

From the Beginning

I started writing a book on my life several years ago and then a few years ago I started writing another book called, "Still Single, Never Been Married, What's Wrong With You?" I thought that the reason I had never been married was initially because as I got older, I got wiser and marriage just wasn't for me.

Now I believe I started making this decision at a very young age. So I am going to start from the beginning and hopefully I won't leave too much out!

First, I must make myself some coffee and toast. This might be a long blog today. I will write until my fingers bleed...stay tuned!

Normal????

I'm beginning to think that the more I dig into the past the more I find out that my family is actually functionally crazy...

But so is every one's family that I talk to....the thing is that every time I receive a new fact it somehow has to do with someone that has been a part of my family in some way, shape, or form. So I ask you, "what is normal"?

It's getting exciting.....

So, this friend turned out to be this guy's wife and not a friend. She set up a fake FB page in case this was a dead end. So we are messaging back and forth right now and this is just crazy....I haven't told my dad yet that his son found us and wants to meet him desperately. I want it to be perfect and everyone to be there and IN PERSON, not over the phone.

Steve already knows that he has a son so this is not a surprise to him. I remember growing up and him always saying that I was his only son. He also was always a little disappointed that he didn't have anyone to carry on his family name after him. For some reason his prayers have answered and now it is up to me to make them a reality.

Anyone that has any thoughts as to how I can make this happen let me know. I did already send a note to the Tacoma News Tribune and now I am looking into contacting our local news stations. My hopes are to raise enough money to fly my brother, his wife and their daughter out and surprise my dad on Fathers Day.

I will keep you posted on the response from the TNT and also the local news. If anyone has personal contacts with any of these people let me know. I am more than happy to call or meet with anyone.

Hello Emotions

Several of my friends have asked me why I don't write of all my adventures and share with everyone else. As some of you know I have started to write a couple of books which are still in the works but I decided that a daily blog will also help with anyone that wants to get to know the real Skrondi....


So here goes......

Today at the horse track reminded me of Fathers Day last year...ha, I know it was Mothers Day today but I couldn't stop thinking about how last year my dad surprised us by telling us that we had a brother. The thing was that he had no idea that he even had a son until a few years ago and now he had no idea where to look.

Can you imagine not knowing who your son is and on top of that have no idea where to even look? And for all of you that know my dad, can you imagine him not ever wanting to be a part of any childs life? Hell, he took me and Jenee in and we weren't even his girls.

So you can imagine my shock when I received a message on Facebook today from a guy telling me he was helping his friend look for a Steven Elske and asking if I knew him......Well I will fill you in on the progress tomorrow. Keep posted if you want to follow this emotional roller coaster :-)